Carrie
Graduated July 2006
Last update - April 2010

My name is Carrie.  I am a 28 year old single mother of four beautiful children.

At a young age, Satan began attacking me and my family.  I spent most of my life blaming and hating God instead of loving Him.  My childhood was pretty normal until age six, when my world crashed.  My mother left my father and unknowingly moved us in with people that were part of a cult.  They murdered her shortly after moving in, then kidnapped my sister and me and took us to their compound in Arkansas, where we suffered severe spiritual, sexual, physical, and mental abuse.

The FBI/ ATF raided the cult and found us.  We were sent to live with our grandmother where the treachery continued.  Shortly after we moved in with my grandmother, my sister abandoned me.  The next six years I was in a home filled with alcohol and sexual abuse.  At the age of 10, I started smoking, and by age 12 I was abusing drugs and alcohol.  They seemed to take me out of my pain, anger, and even reality.  My father died of alcohol poisoning when I was 15.  At age 17, I heard God calling me, and I answered Him, accepting Him as Lord. 

Yet, shortly thereafter, I got pregnant out of wedlock by a man 14 years older than me.  My sister was diagnosed with multiple personality disorder and eventually committed suicide.  My so-called family turned their back on me, calling me a troublemaker and a liar "just like my father."  I was hopeless, or so it seemed.  My God had a different plan, He lovingly placed me in a godly foster home.  Six months after I got there I had a baby, a good job, loving parents, a car, and most of all, love from God. 

I got scared of it all.  "It was too good to be true, I wasn't worthy, I didn't want to be a Mom," were all the thoughts going on in my head, so I left with a man that I thought was an escape route, but in actuality it was a trap set up by Satan.  This started a new cycle, even worse than the cycles I had lived in before.  There was rape, attempted murder, trouble with the law, prison, and abuse all fueled by methamphetamines.  During the next period of 10 years, I suffered with extreme abuse, but I also became the abuser.  I became violent, raging with hate, unforgiveness, and bitterness against everyone, including myself.  Unfortunately, the 4 children I had with this man suffered everyday because of the lives their father and I were living.  Finally, after many suicide attempts, overdoses, and SAFP, I woke up to who I had become.  It took one last suicide attempt and four days in protective custody for God to open my eyes and see what I was doing to those babies and myself.  That is when I begged Him to save me from myself, find us a place to go away from the drugs, that town, and those people.  Within 2 weeks, my church told me about this place called Mission Messiah, and asked if I would consider going.  I immediately knew this was His answer to my prayer.  I felt the Holy Spirit all through me, and I knew I was going to be there before I ever filled out the application.  It took about three weeks to get here. 

We arrived at Mission Messiah on July 9th, 2005.  I was so scared of this place, of God, and of people, but almost immediately, I was shown love like I had never experienced before.  My children were even more scared than I was, and they were given love just like I was given, unconditional love. 

The Lord created in me a new heart, a new mind, and a new way of living.  He has given me the tools to be a loving, dependable mother that my babies deserve.  God has delivered me and my children from biondage, curses, sin, and bad choices.  He has also taught me to look past myself and look to Jesus for help.  He has provided for every need that we have.  He has healed me and my babies from all of the pain of the past.  He has shown me that I am worthy of His love; I am a daughter of the Most High King.

Today, God gave me a good job with godly employers.  Through the Mission, God has given us a hope, a life that we have never had before.  I have graduated from the program, and I give my Abba Father all the honor, praise, and glory for giving me a chance to live for Him.  I couldn't imagine not having Him in my life again.